Dating After Cancer: Things To Consider After Diagnosis & Treatment

Dating After Cancer: Things To Consider After Diagnosis & Treatment

How to Balance Dating And Cancer Therapy And Recovery

Dating Is Challenging, Werther We’re Healthy Or Not

Dr. Shyamali Singhal knows that meeting new partners can be a challenge, even for people who are in perfect health. How do we go about finding the partner of our dreams after the cancer is gone? When should we tell our partner about our cancer history, and what do we say once we do?

If you are single and have had cancer, you have probably wondered when and how to tell a new partner about your cancer history. There is no one strategy that fits for everyone, but a few guidelines may help. In this article, we’ll go through some of them.

Cancer Survivor

Even if a patient considers themselves to be a “cancer survivor,” the title itself may scare off a potential partner if they are unprepared. Dr. Singhal advises patients to give a new friendship time to develop by sharing some other interests and positive qualities. Sometimes, however, we meet someone who quickly seems like an old friend. Even if a patient did not intend to discuss cancer so early in a relationship, it may happen that we confide if the person makes us feel special and understood.

Our relationships with family and friends may change now that the treatment is finished. Often family and friends don’t know how to react to our new role as a cancer survivor.

The Treatment Is Over, But There's Still A Long Road To Full Recovery

Some people may feel that they’re healthy again and thus no longer need support or help. They don’t understand that even though the treatment is over, patients are still not feeling at their best. Their hair may be growing back, but patients report still feeling tired and weak. There are other side effects to consider. Some of them will take some more time for cancer patients to recover from completely. Sometimes, patients can feel angry or abandoned because they aren’t getting the support and understanding that they still need and deserve. They may be frustrated with this because they aren’t getting back to their regular daily routines as quickly as they expected or hoped to be.

Overprotective Friends And Family

Sometimes, other people surrounding cancer patients may become overprotective and worried about them. They aren’t sure that cancer patient they care for is well enough to go back to work, go shopping or do household chores, and may try to stop them from doing performing those tasks. This may be very frustrating, in the fact that they don’t understand that it’s important for patients' recovery to slowly get back to their regular daily routines. People close to recovering cancer patients may be afraid that if they do too much they could become ill again. They are afraid of cancer remission.

Dating is exciting — but having cancer or having had cancer in the past can make the search for a relationship seem daunting. A patient may wonder: Am I ready to put myself out there again? When should I talk about my condition? How will my date respond?

“Dating was surely hard and scary even before one had cancer, and all of those fears are probably still there after the cancer is gone,” says Dr. Singhal, surgical oncologist. “Only now we’re dealing with additional fears, the fears, and insecurities that come up as a result of the battle with cancer.”

Some Questions And Concerns

Though many cancer patients have the same questions and concerns, no two relationships are the same. A younger person with goals of marriage and children — and potential mates who may have had little experience with a serious illness — probably has different dating concerns than an older person, whose potential partners might very well be dealing with their own health issues. Each person also has his or her own individual comfort level when discussing the disease. Some may find it important to share their experience; others would just as soon never bring up cancer again.

Because by going through cancer treatment, you lose yourself. The first year of treatment is such a roller coaster. Cancer patients mind is almost completely caught up with the fact that the future is so unknown. Once that all ends, they’re still wrapping their heads around the fact that they were forced to come to terms with mortality. Patients often say they lost any physical identity they once had, and can’t even recognize themselves in the mirror.

Going Out- When Is The Right Time?

Just as cancer patients' priorities in life may have changed during the cancer journey, the same may happen for cancer patients' family and friends. What happened to cancer patients may make them question things about their own life and future. They may want to focus on the important things in life, such as family and other relationships. Or they may just want to get back to the way life was before the diagnosis.

Some relationships become stronger from the shared experience of cancer. But others may become strained because of the challenges of cancer. People may have to rebuild the connection that they once had with each other.

There might not be a magic moment when one suddenly feels the time is right to join an online dating site or accept an invitation to a party where there will be other singles. Dr. Singhal suggests that patients should remember, going to a social event can be just that — a chance to get out and enjoy themselves and the company of others, nothing more.

“Remember that dating is about finding common interests and values, and enjoying one another’s company,” Dr. Singhal says, “This has not changed just because of cancer.”