The Dos And Donts When Talking To A Cancer Patient
How To Talk To Someone Newly Diagnosed With Cancer
Dr. Singhal’s tips on being as supportive as possible when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer
Dr. Shymali Singhal, Surgical Oncologist, knows this is probably a time when anybody can find themselves at a real loss for words. Feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, and helplessness can come with cancer diagnosis. For the person who has been diagnosed with cancer, it is helpful when friends and family members provide a comforting presence and practical support. It is often difficult for others to know what to say or start a conversation with someone who has cancer. However, staying in touch is always better than staying away. Here are some tips to help you show your support.
Show That You Care
In Dr. Singhal’s experience, cancer patients and their friends and family can benefit greatly by reading and drawing from other peoples experience with cancer and chemotherapy. Find positive and encouraging stories to motivate yourself through this rough period in your life. Through other peoples experiences you can learn how to talk to a cancer patient about the disease without causing even more stress.
You’ll find that a lot of cancer patients feel that a simple “I’m sorry you have to go through this”, is all that they need to hear. A simple text message asking how did the last chemo treatment went is enough to show somebody is thinking of them.
Emotional Support Is Crucial
Each partner may have different emotional needs that change frequently. But both partners may need extra reassurance that they are still loved. Couples need to be sensitive to the changing emotional needs that come with a cancer diagnosis. Spouses or partners may want to consider talking with a professional, such as a therapist or counselor, on their own. Spouses or partners caring for their loved one may find it difficult to express certain feelings for fear of hurting or overwhelming their partner. And it is important that the spouse or partner with cancer is able to express their feelings to someone who can handle the intensity of those feelings without being overwhelmed.
Share Responsibilities
In most relationships, each partner handles specific chores. One partner may do yard work and cook, while the other cleans and pays bills. If cancer and its treatment leave you feeling tired or unable to perform your usual tasks, your partner may have to pick up those duties. If you must stop working, your partner may need to go back to work or work extra hours while perhaps also taking on care giving duties.
These added responsibilities may become overwhelming and lead to feelings of frustration and resentment. Meanwhile, you may feel guilty, saddened, or frustrated. Talking openly about limitations and possible solutions will help you both feel more comfortable with these changes. In addition, although it may be difficult for both partners, it is important to accept outside help from friends, family members, or professionals.
Offer Your Help
As any person with cancer knows all too well, a cancer diagnosis also affects family members and friends. Sometimes, the complex feelings and massive lifestyle changes caused by cancer and its treatment become as overwhelming for others in your life as they are for you. Understanding the potential changes means a world to cancer patients during this battle. Being close and supportive to family members and friends may help you take steps to grow healthy, mutually supportive relationships during this challenging time. Offer specific examples of ways you could help during cancer treatment. Ask if those suggestions sound helpful. Ideas include running errands, caring for pets, driving the person to an appointment, or picking up children from school. Pick up the phone and call your friend or family member. Visit as often as you can.
Post Treatments Dos and Don’ts
At the end of treatment, shy away from asking cancer patients if everything is done and are they cured. The term ‘cure’ is used very sparingly in the cancer world. Just congratulate them for getting through a very rough time. And don’t expect them to be the same person as they were pre-cancer. They’ve had a life-altering event and have had to fight for their life. Their body has been assaulted and it will take time to heal. Patience and understanding will go a long way. And above all always show positivity. All a newly diagnosed person wants is to be normal and have their life back. With a little kindness from you along the way, they hopefully will.
Sincerity and simple actions seem to be a theme that is important to people with cancer. Even if it is offering a hug, offering your company, or just giving them the gift of your time, all of those simple things are appreciated. Show your loved ones that you care.